The crazed carnie and how Heero opened a disco
by Ameki-Elisa
Summary: Gundam thing! The Zero System strikes again, and has a weird effect on Heero and Trowa. Duo plays pranks on Wuffles, Relena is a clock, Trowa is...well...Second chapter songfic!
1. The crazed carnie

This was written by me and my sister who wishes to remain unknown. _cough _Laura _cough_

One day, in one of Quatre's huge mansions, everybody was peacefully asleep. Duo chewing on his braid, Heero nuzzling his gun, Wufei petting his katana, Quatre cuddling his Trowa... Ahem… ; But then all of a sudden, Heero's personal alarm clock woke everybody with a start. Relena's voice rung through the entire dormitory with regular intervals: "Heero, Heero, Heero, Heero, Heero, Heero!" "Oh, no…" The perfect soldier shivered. The painfully bright light of the rising sun in his sleepy slit-eyes prevented him from grabbing his gun and shooting his private cuck-cuck's clock. Fortunately, Trowa did it for him. **BANG** "I'm used to flashy lights, baka.' The sexy clown said in a smooth tone, blowing the smoke from his gun. "After all, I'm in the spotlights every night!" Duo appeared next to him, still clutching his braid in one sticky hand. 'Dude, you make it sound like you're an oscar-winning movie star or something!' The braided baka moaned. "Well, I'm not, but HE sure thinks he is…" Trowa said while pointing to something outside.

The faint pink light that peeked in through the window was partly held back by the sharp curves of the woman-hating jajauma who was standing on a tree stump in the garden. "I mean, who does he think he is? Karate kid?" Duo grabbed one of Trowa's boots and threw it out the window, whacking the Chinese boy of the stump. 'INJUSTICE!' They all rolled their eyes at hearing the already familiar rant. 'What's all that noise?' A sleepy Quatre rose from his, ah, Trowa's bed and rubbed his eyes cutely. 'Maxwell playing pranks on Chang.' Heero answered tiredly, turning around in his bed and snuggling in the gun powder covered sheets.

**Laura: for tha luv a God, Elisa, learn ha ta right Inglisj! **

**Elisa: Yeah, like u r sutch a gut righter!**

Trowa had grabbed hold of Duo's braid and pulled it very roughly. "Itai!" the moronic pilot squealed. "What is the matter with you! Go out there and get my boot back!" he screamed. "OK, no need to get so upset, carnie…" "C…CARNIE!" Trowa roared in the long-haired fake priest's ear. "Take it back, Duo, take it back!" Quatre begged him. "For the love of God take it back!"

Duo yelped as the tall pilot grabbed him by the collar swung him through the window after his boot, knocking the hot-headed Chinese boy of the stump…again. Trowa leaned on the windowsill and enjoyed the sight of the God of Death being chased by the Dragon God. "Ah, isn't it wonderful to have someone else do your dirty work for you?" The evil carnie turned to the little blonde Arab with a wicked grin. "Now get my boot!" He barked in the other's face. "I'd love to get your boot back, koi, but I can't…" Quatre answered. "Oh, and why is that?" Trowa asked in a scary sugary voice. "Because you're standing on my foot and I can't move…" Quatre bit his lower lip in an attempt not to cry out loud in agony. "Oh, right…" Trowa stepped aside and turned to the sleeping Heero. "And you, I did you a favour, now you remove that corpse from the lawn!" Heero grunted and turned around in his bed. The clown exploded.

**Laura: Oh it was terrible! Red noses, curly wigs, oversized shoes and trousers everywhere! Elisa: _monotone voice _ There there, there there…**

"WHY, YOU…!" Trowa inhaled deeply and clenched his teeth, forcing his lips into an evil smirk. Quatre backed away against the wall and looked at his crazy lover with his bottom lip trembling. 'You know, Heero…' Trowa said sweetly. 'If you go outside now, you can still shoot Relena's corpse!'

Heero's eyes snapped open. He jumped out of bed, right into the hole in the ground that was connected to a giant slide that led directly to the Gundam garage. He climbed up to the cockpit of Wing Zero and fastened his seatbelt. The Zero System got hold of his sleepy mind right away and through the intercom Trowa could hear him singing and dancing: "Ooh, yeah, c'mon baby, huh, work that stuff, hm, uh-huh, now shake it out!" Trowa raised an eyebrow, but since it was hidden by his unibang, it looked like he was just staring blankly at the intercom. "T-Trowa?" Quatre asked quietly, already searching for the doorknob in case the clown would turn into _It_'s evil twinbrother again. Trowa slowly turned his head and glared at his trembling friend. "My mind must be playing tricks on me, because I'd swear I just ordered you to go and fetch my BOOT!" Quatre chuckled nervously. "Heh, Trowa, I think your under influence of the Zero System, you're scaring me…" "ARE YOU STILL HERE? GO AND GET MY BOOT!"

**Laura: Stop using the word boot! **

**Elisa: Watch me, boot boot boot boot!**

Afraid that his friend might give him 'the boot', Quatre raced out of the mansion screaming weird Arabian words in panic. (Later it turned out he was screaming for his mummy.) As Trowa looked out of the window, he could see Heero tapdancing on Relena's dead body, and singing: 'Don't stop thinking about tomorrow,…' Sometimes interrupted by maniacal laughter.

Trowa sat down on his bed, satisfied with himself, and waited many years for Quatre to return with his boot. But his companions were never seen again.

**Laura: Ohmigod! _sees Wufei and Duo running by the window_**

Heero continued his mad rampage and nobody knows where he is now. Some say he opened a disco 'GET YOUR BOOT-Y ON THE FLOOR' somewhere in the world. Quatre's still looking for Trowa's boot and doesn't dare to come back without it.

Trowa: …My foot's getting cold…

OWARI!


	2. Heero's disco

**Laura: **Because of the **hordes** of screaming fans, we've decided to write another chapter! Whoa! (_dodges overripe tomatoes)_ See? There are hordes of them and they're all screaming!

**Elisa: **Shut up, Laura… (Warning: MAJOR RELENA BASHING)

So how was business in Heero's disco? Well, it seemed the zero system had brought up his musical talent, and so the troubled teen wrote his own lyrics for his favourite song: I'm so excited…

Today's the day I'm gonna push the button  
Today I'll blow this world to smithereens  
I just prefer tight spandex over cotton  
I never want to trade my shorts for jeans

I want to mess up, wreck up, when on mission screw things up  
I want to show up, blow up, everything in sight  
I'll bring you all to your doom, as it goes boom

I'm suicidal and I will destroy all  
I'm about to self-destruct and I think I like it  
I'm suicidal and I will destroy all  
Omae omae omae omae omae o korosu

You should no longer fear unknown tomorrow  
'Cause you know now you won't make it till then

We leave this place without the least of sorrow  
Death is what turns boys into adult men

(**Laura:** A very interesting theory, given the fact that up till now there has been no known phenomenon that causes this effect…

**Elisa: **Of course, sister, the effect itself is purely theoretical, since no evidence has been found to prove the existence of adult men.

**Laura:** (_nods in agreement)_ Makes you think…

**Elisa: **_(rolls eyeballs) _ No it doesn't…)

_(two ladies in spandex join in)_

We're suicidal and we will destroy all  
I'm about to self-destruct and I think I like it  
I'm suicidal and I will destroy all

omae omae omae omae omae o korosu o korosu

instrumental intermezzo

I want to mess up, wreck up, on missions screw things up  
I want to show up, blow up, everything in sight  
I'll bring you all to your doom, as it goes boom

I'm suicidal (Wooh-hooh-wee!) and I will destroy all (Boom!)  
I'm about to self-destruct and I think I like it (Oh yeah!)  
I'm suicidal and I will destroy all (Yes yes yes yes yes!)  
Omae omae omae omae omae o korosu

(3x)

I'm suicidal (Look what you do to me) and I will destroy all (You've got me blowin' up)  
I'm about to self-destruct and I think I like it (Blow-blow-blow-blow-ah!)

I'm suicidal (What's with your killing spree?) and I will destroy all (How 'bout you let it drop?)

Omae omae omae omae omae o korosu o korosu (Blow-blow-blow-blow-ah!)

Well, Heero's personal lyrics caught on, because people from all over the world came to his disco, where all kinds of different origines, sexes and races met and brotherly (or sisterly) enjoyed themselves.

**Laura: **Meanwhile, a balloon with (coldly) Chang… **Elisa:** And (enthousiastic) DUO in it comes flying by… 

Wufei: I must confess that Heero's, err…

Duo: Joint?

Wufei: Err, yes, Heero's _joint _is a great succes!

Duo: Yup, it's dy-nah-mite!

Wufei: Err, whatever…

the pink monster suddenly appears 

**Laura: **Hey, wasn't she dead?

**Elisa:** Nah, we can't afford to kill her, or we'd be ripped to pieces by her fans!

**Laura: **…What fans?

Relena:Hi darlings! Sorry I'm late, but Heero _accidently_ squished me under his gundam while he was under influence……… of the Zero System that is!

_badabam dsh! (stand-up comedian drums) Elisa elbows Laura in the stomach and fakes a giggle._

**Laura: **_blinks_……I don't get it…

**Elisa: **_rolls eyeballs_……It's a joke…

**Laura: **But I always thought jokes were funny!

**Elisa: **Whatever! Let's just pretend to be interested in what she has to say and sneak out!

**Laura: **Yeah! Let's go find Trowa, cut off his unibang and add it to my collection of Trowa stuff!

**Elisa: **You know, you're freaking me out with your Trowa obsession!

**Laura: **Yeah right, and you wear a cross just like Duo 'cuz your a _christian_!

**Elisa: **I am! And so are you!

**Laura: **Oh, right…

Relena: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!

_all shiver at hearing her irritating piercing voice, some people even explode_

**Elisa: **God! _wipes human goo of her face _That woman should be given a court order that prohibits her to speak in public!

Relena: This song is dedicated to the love of my life! I LOVE YOU HEEEEERRROOOOO!

**Laura: **If she yells again, I swear to God I'm gonna…

**Elisa: **Just shut up and let's get the hell outta here!

Relena: _clears throat _Ahem! I NEED A HEEEEEERRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO! I'M holding out for a HEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOO 'till the end of the night!

_the balloon carrying Chang and Duo snaps and Chang lands on a cactus in a most uncomfortable manner…_

**Elisa: **Laura! Let's keep it real, shall we?

**Laura:** Fine! Why don't you continue this fic if you're so much better than I am!

**Elisa:** Fine! Ahem, the balloon snaps and Duo softly lands on my lap! "Oh my God, you are my saviour, I love you so much!" Duo takes a ring out of his braid and offers it to me. "Please marry me, I couldn't bear the thought of having to live without you! Be my princess of darkness! I …"

**Laura:** _coughs_ Keeping it real, sis?

**Elisa:** Aww, can't I dream a little? _clamps her sister _Won't you let me dream, Laura, won't you please?

**Laura: **Eww, let go! And lay of the drugs!

Relena suddenly stops singing and taps her foot 

Relena: Do you mind? I'm trying to declare my undying love for HEEEERRRRROOOOO!

**Elisa:** _desperately seeks her gun in her pocket_ Hehe, sorry Relena, we were just…

**Laura:** Hey, is that Heero over there?_ points at Heero who's trying to sneak out quietly_

Relena: Oooh, where?

**Laura: **Over there, making weird gestures at me with his finger on his lips, can't really make that out, and twitching his right index finger, like he's pulling some imaginary trigger of some imaginary gun that's aimed right at me! Hehe, that Heero, always in for a joke even at stressful times like this…

**Elisa:** _whispers_ Nice move, Laura!

**Laura:** No really, there he is!

**Elisa:** _blinks_…..I should've known…

Relena: HEERRROOO! There you are, honey! _chases him through the now abandoned disco, all the other guests have either left or exploded_

**Elisa: **Hehehe, and that's the end of that chapter!

**Laura: **Oh, now I get it! UNDER INFLUENCE! OF THE ZERO SYSTEM! _geek laugh_

**Elisa: **…


	3. Gundam Wing Queueteas

**Gundam Wing queue-teas**

**Elisa: So, how were our poor Gundam Wing cuties doing?**

**Laura: Who has the soap? Who has the soap? Who has the soap?**

**Elisa: _sigh_ I've got the soap, you dunce! What do you need it for anyway?**

**Laura: Remember the garlic sauce dad made yesterday?**

**Elisa: Never mind… So anyway, how WERE our poor Gundam Wing cuties doing?**

_Heero, Duo and Chang are running from the pink monster, Relena, who's crushed Heero's disco and scared away (or blew up) all the party animals. But where are Quatre and Trowa? The latter, as told in chapter one, was still sitting on his bed in Quatre's mansion. Freed of the zero system's grip on his feeble mind, he wondered where the missing half of his footwear had gone. Quatre's whereabouts however remain unknown, it is assumed that he didn't succeed his mission to retrieve Trowa's boot and didn't have the guts to come back without it (he is the most intelligent pilot after all)._

Our three musketeers had been running for quite some time now and their tummies had begun to rumble. Actually, Maxwell was the only one complaining, but anyway! The other two admitted they could go for some refreshments as well. Actually, they couldn't stand Duo's whining anymore and gave in just to make him shut up!

**Elisa: Can you please stop making a fool out of MY Duo!**

**Laura: …He's not YOURS, hun! And you can't take that! _snaps fingers _… Want some soap?**

**Elisa: Ugh…**

'Hee-chan, are we there yet?' Duo wheezed, almost tripping over his tongue that hung from his mouth and licked the dusty road. Heero was too exhausted (and freaked out, after all, Relena was still on their trail) to draw his gun with the infamous threat 'omae o korosu!'. He simply hissed: 'No…' The huffing and puffing walking braid with a boy attached to it then turned to his other companion: 'Wuffles, are we there yet?' Chang, who was also too tired to threaten to cut off Maxwell's braid, simply replied (but with a grumpy tone to it): 'No…' Duo, as men do, whined and plopped down on the ground, dramatizing his fatigue. He howled in exaggerated agony: 'Hee-chan, can you give me a piggy-back ride? I'm pooped!' The hero with an extra 'e' of 'enormous ego' snatched numbuh two's braid and roared: 'Don't give me that pooped crap, you piece of kuso!'

**Laura: _stunned_ You go wash your mouth with SOAP, you naughty boy!**

Duo blinked, his eyes wide and hopeful. Heero quickly added: 'And NO I won't carry you!'

Braid boy pouted in dissapointment. He carefully turned to his other friend. 'Forget it!' was Wu Fei's cold answer.

After having walked a little longer (with Duo complaining all the way), they encountered a stranger who looked suspiciously enough like Quatre, talked the same way as Quatre, and dressed the same way as Quatre, but only with a moustache so he couldn't really be Quatre because Quatre doesn't have a moustache and doesn't own a tea and soap stall, which this stranger did.

**Elisa: Tea and soap? What kind of a freak sells tea AND soap? **

**Laura: Well, apparantly this '**stranger who looked suspiciously enough like Quatre, talked the same way as Quatre, and dressed the same way as Quatre, but only with a moustache so he couldn't really be Quatre because Quatre doesn't have a moustache and doesn't own a tea and soap stall, which this stranger did' (from now on, referred to as 'the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd')** does!**

'Hello, strangers! You look like you've been on the road for quite some time! Can I offer you some refreshments?' the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd greeted them friendly. Duo dropped his fists on the counter and cried out desperately: 'YES DAMMIT!' Chang halted in front of the stall and his yearning eyes scanned the goods. 'Well, I could go for some green tea…What do you think, Yuy?' He had only asked for his colleague's opinion because it was expected of him but wasn't really planning on taking it into consideration. He needed green tea and NOW! He vaguely remembered Master O's (or O-sama's) wise words: 'You can't solve all of your problems by means of suspended animation (obviously), you CAN solve them however with green tea!' Duo started jumping up and down. 'Ooh, me want tea too! Tea for Two and Two for tea!' he crowed, 'And give me one of those exotic looking cakes over there too!' The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd followed Duo's twitching finger with his eyes. He blinked. 'Um, that's a bar of soap, sir.' he smiled patiently. The happy hyper pilot burst out in enthousiasm: 'Soap? Wow, how exotic does that sound?'

Heero, whose love for green tea was bigger than his hatred towards Relena, poked him with a twig he'd just picked up. 'Eww, out of my way, Father Filth!' he said in disgust while whacking the secularist in priest's clothing with the flexable twig. Duo sniffed. Memories of street bullies when he was still a little boy in the Maxwell orphanage came back to him at hearing his Hee-chan's harsh words. He sobbed. 'You can be so cruel when you're being chased by that woman… again…' The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd, whose patience was being seriously put to the test, once again asked for Duo's order: 'Umm, what will you have then, Du-, I mean, good sir?' Duo sniffed. 'I'll still have that cup of tea AND the bar of soap!' He looked angrily at Heero and continued: 'So my oh so fragrant companions won't complain about my body odour anymore!' Heero narrowed his eyes and looked at his smelly teammate for a moment. 'You're going to eat it, aren't you?' he then said. Duo blinked and hung his head in shame. 'I knew it… unfortunately…' the self detonation device loving boy rolled his eyeballs.

But then suddenly his eyes widened and as if struck by an immense fear, he started screaming: 'But hey, we can't rest here! 'She' probably hasn't given up the chase yet! We have to get going, NOW!' He stopped abruptly and his eyes went to deathglare modus again. 'Who gave you permission to take a break anyway?' Duo pointed at Wu Fei, who was already enjoying a nice cup of green tea. Heero was dumbfounded for a moment, but soon got a grip and sighed: 'Oh, all right, you've got one minute, mister! If you're not finished by then, I'm leaving without you!' The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd smiled contently. 'Can I offer you something in the meanwhile?' he asked Heero. 'No thanks, I must focus on a possible way of escape, in case that Peacecraft bi-…Um, miss Relena shows up again.' the object of the Sanc Kingdom ruler's affection answered grumpily. The

swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd burst out in a lecturing outburst: 'Oh, you shouldn't overdo! You always overdo, Heero!' Heero raised one of his incredibly sexy dark eyebrows and stared oddly at the Quatre-look-alike with his sexy prussian blue eyes with a sexy deathglare full of sexiness.

**Elisa: Oh my god, Laura! How can you betray Trowa (that doukeshi no sekushii!) like that! And for Yuy, of all people!**

**Laura: Hey, I didn't type that! I hate that Yuy slut!**

**Elisa: Then…Who did?**

_**wind blows mysteriously**_

**Elisa: No, seriously, who?**

**Computer: It was I! I typed it, because Heero's sexiness doesn't get the recognition it deserves in your fics! **

**Elisa: …What sexiness?**

**Computer: The sexiness that drips off the screen whenever he draws his sexy gun out of his sexy spandex that clings to his sexy tush and says 'omae o korosu!' (his mouth, not his spandex) with that sexy voice of his! God I wish he'd hack me!**

**Laura: _faints_**

**Elisa: Alright, lady! Stop the Yuy worshipping or I will reprogram you to fall in love with Tubarov (that sexy beast)!**

**Laura: _gets up so she can faint again_**

**Computer: No! NO! Anything but that!**

The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd gulped. 'Um_! (Oh man, they're so onto me now!)_ I mean, mister Heero - that's what your friend just called you, right? – you really should…' 'No that's not what I called him,' Wu Fei interrupted him, 'I called him Yuy!' 'Oh, really?' The tea and soap salesman giggled nervously, 'I must've automatically associated the names Yuy and Heero! Surely you've heard of the famous Heero Yuy?' 'Hmm, yes, that does sound acceptable…' Heero pondered. 'Yes, yes indeed! Hehe, I'm so smart…' the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd grinned mischievously. Heero raised one eyebrow again. 'Umm, I see you've overdone it already, so why don't you rest here and taste my green tea? It's very good!' the young man sweatdropped. Heero thought it over, constantly looking over his shoulder to see if Pinky Peacecraft wasn't aproaching. 'Hmm, okay, I'll have the same as my friend.' he finally decided (his love for green tea is infinite indeed). 'One green tea like Wu—onder boy over there?' the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd sweatdropped again (what a nervous young fellow). 'Nah, I'll have one tea and one bar of soap! Like Du—fus boy over yonder!' Heero replied, 'We've been running for days without taking sanitary stops! Ooh, which reminds me!' Heero took off his dirty diaper and cried for a fresh one.

**Computer: That's not how it went! **

**Elisa: Tubarov! **

**Computer: …**

'Erm, yes, well I happen to sell diapers as well!' the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd stammered. 'Great! I'll have ten of those as well then!' Heero sang happily, clapping his hands. 'Okay, sir, but you'll have to get in queue first!' the salesman answered with a broad smile on his face, pointing at a row of fourty arabian looking men who were all waiting for their cup of tea.' 'Hmm, something's very peculiar about this swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd!' Wu Fei thought while nipping his cup that had a little teabag with Quatre's face on it and bold letters that spelled 'Winner Blend', 'Something highly peculiar… Oh well!' He took a small sip of his tea and smiled in appreciation.

After having stood in line for over an hour, Heero finally got his cup of tea, bar of soap and fresh diapers. 'Is the minute almost over?' Duo cried out in panic, bubbles flying out of his mouth. 'It's long since over!' Wu Fei snapped, 'But Yuy has problems sticking to his own rules!' Yuy walked over to some bushes. 'If you'll excuse me, gentlemen... and Duo!' the fifteen year old infant said. 'Oh brother…' Wu Fei rolled his eyeballs. 'We should be going! We have to get back to Barton and that girly twit of a Quatre!' All of a sudden the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd clutched his heart and made a weird gurgling noise. 'What's the matter with you?' Wu Fei asked, cocking an eyebrow. 'It hurts, my body, my heart!' the tea and soap salesman squeacked. Wufei snorted. 'Everything to get out of work, huh?' 'Umm, you okay, man?' Duo bounced in. 'But, wait, where have I heard that line before?' Wu Fei pondered. 'Ah-ha!' the Chinese boy screamed triumphantly, pointing one accusing finger at the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd. 'You're that pink punk, Relena! I knew it was you from the beginning! You can't hide from Wu Fei the… Wu Fei the… From Wu Fei!' The youth seemed unaffected by the woman-hating boy's accusations, he lay still on the floor, staring off into space.

Heero, having heard the name 'Relena', jumped out off the bushes with only half of his diaper on. 'Aaaaaah! Who the! What the! Where the!' he yelped in panic. 'Shoot her, whack her, slice her, whatever, just don't let her come near me now that I'm in such a vulnerable position!' Heero broke down on the floor and started crying. Wu Fei and Duo looked from the stranger's body to the sobbing Heero while shaking their heads. Then Duo started freaking out. 'Oh man, oh man, oh man! What are we going to do? Heero's lost it, we're doomed without Heero!' Chang looked at Duo's pathetic display and put his nose in the air in contempt. 'Speak for yourself, Maxwell, I don't need Yuy! Let alone you! I'm out of here!' He drank the last of his green tea, wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his vest (**Laura: My, does he have style or what?**)and made a move to leave when a clammy hand grabbed his arm.

He looked down in disinterest and noticed his limb was attached to the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd's claw. 'What do you want?' he asked boredly. The Quatre-doppelgänger drew a shaky breath. 'Wait……you…still…have to p-pay…' Chang coldly plucked the offending digits of his shoulder one by one. 'Oh, so now al of sudden you're as fit as a fiddle, aye? I guess you're not Relena Peacecraft after all!' the conceit among the conceited murmured. 'Then here's your pay, tea and soap salesman!' He brought his sexy, slender hand high above his lovely dark haired head and then behind his muscular, perfectly sculptured back where his faithful katana hung.

**Laura: _faints_**

**Elisa: Computer!**

**Computer: Hey, it wasn't me this time!**

**Elisa: Then who wrote this sickening crap?**

**Treize: Yoo-hoo! _waves tissue_**

**Elisa & computer: Eww… _shiver_ Poor Wu Fei!**

The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd squealed. 'No, please Wu Fei! I'm begging of you: let me go!' Wu Fei raised an eyebrow. 'What? How do you know my name and why do you present me the bill when you don't want me to pay you?' He snatched a little pouch with gold coins that hung from the same string as his katana from behind his back. The young man was staring blankly off in space again, clutching his chest where his heart was. The bouncy braid stopped his mad dance and bent over the poor helpless moustached twin brother of Quatre. 'Oh no!' he cried, 'I still needed that soap recipe of his! They're so delicious!' He kneeled down next to the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd and took a deep breath. 'You're not seriously going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?' Mister martial arts retched and wondered which was bigger: his amazement (who would've thought that Duo could actually be helpful) or his disgust (the baka had just eaten a bar of soap for God's sake!). 'Don't worry, I learned this when I was at the Maxwell orphanage! Sister Helen gave us first aid lessons, after all, the street life is dangerous!' Duo said while pinching his own nose, making a funny nasal sound that strongly reduced the 'tough guy' factor of his last sentence. Wu Fei turned his head away from the nauseating scene. Duo opened his mouth, bubbles came floating towards their freedom, he brought his lips close to the stranger's and gave the poor youngster the kiss of life.

Duo raised his head and inhaled deeply again. The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd's lips were covered in foam. Before the knight who's called 'ni' could molest the unfortunate youth any further, Wu Fei grabbed him by the braid and pulled it so hard it almost snapped. 'Itai!' Duo yelped. 'What was that for, Wu Fei? I'm only trying to help you know!' 'Help? HELP? You're suffocating the man in your ignorance! Who eats soap anyway?' the oriental onna-hater screamed in fury. Duo squatted on his haunches and drew circles in the dust with his right index finger. 'Aww… You don't have to be so mean to me all the time!' he murmured and pouted. Wu Fei cocked an eyebrow and gazed at Duo. 'What? Is there something on my face?' Duo spat. 'Um… Yes!' Wu Fei replied in astonishment. 'What?' Duo frowned and touched his face.

At first the only thing he could find was a thick layer of creamy, fragrant foam. But then suddenly he felt something bushy on his upper lip. He screamt. 'Oh my god, there's a big hairy leech on my upper lip!' He leapt on Wu Fei's leg and started making monkey like noises. 'Get it off! Get it off!' he and Wu Fei both yelled while thrashing about. Luckily Heero, who'd finally put his diaper on properly, came to their rescue, after having triplechecked the area for anything suspicous in pink. 'Now what's the matter?' he asked, towering above the two, giving them his deadliest deathglare. They both stopped their mad rampage that had already trashed the salesman's stall and himself and was now making its way into the surrounding forest. Two sets of eyes looked up at Heero and locked on to the infamous spandex… that was missing. Their owners burst out in maniacal laughter. 'What's so fu- Uaaaaah!' the pantsless hero jumped into the bushes again to return a few seconds later with his pants on and his gun pointed at the two cackling clowns.

**Laura: Speaking of clowns: WHERE'S TROWA DAMMIT!**

**Elisa: _slap _……I'm worried about him too, sister.**

**Treize: Wow, who would've thought a spandex could hide a diaper like that!**

**Tubarov: Wait, you mean that guy's been wearing diapers from episode zero?**

**Elisa: ……Yup! Seems like it.**

**Laura: TROWA! WHERE FOR ART THOU!**

**Elisa: _slap _……SHUT UP DAMMIT!**

The clowns abruptly shut their mouths at the sight before them. 'Oh, my god…' Duo whispered with eyes like teacups. 'No! T'is too cruel!' Chang shielded his eyes away from the dreaded ultra-mega-hyper-tight spandex. 'Alright you two, this is our little secret!' the guy in them snarled. Then he noticed Duo's facial hair. 'Aw, ain't that cute, Duo has just reached puberty!' He went over to the now triplebraided (his moustache couldn't allow itself to be second to his other hair, now could it?) boy and pinched his cheeks. 'Aww, you're a big boy now!' he teased. 'What are you laughing at?' Duo cried in frustration. 'There's a big hungry hairy leech on my face and it's going to suck up my brains and all you guys can do is laugh?' Wu Fei blinked. 'Luckily that thing isn't really a brain-sucking leech, but an ordinary moustache, or the poor thing would starve to death.' he pointed out sarcastically. He and Heero broke out in Homerical laughter.

'A moustache? How could I have possibly grown a moustache this fast when my voice hasn't even changed yet?' A confused Duo took the piece of hair between his thumb and index finger to examine it. The giggling geeks shrieked with laughter. 'He's got more facial hair than Relena!' Heero snickered. 'Yeah, even more than that tea and soap salesman!' Wu Fei brayed. Suddenly, as if he was struck by lightning, a thought entered his mind and put an end to his hee-haw. 'That's it! Now I know what was bothering me about the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd!' Chang cried. He went over to the unconscious salesman. 'This man', he pointed, 'is no other than our faithful companion, Quatre! He cleverly disguised himself with a fake moustache, the same which now adorns Maxwell's face! He really thought I wouldn't notice, but I wasn't born yesterday! Ha, he'll have to think of something better than that to fool ME, Wu Fei Chang!'

Wu Fei grinned triumphantly, waiting for two astounded gasps. But they never came. Instead, Heero fretfully said: 'Oh, come on Wu Fei, we all figured that out!' The arrogant pilot stared at them with his mouth open. He was disappointed, and hurt: if his colleagues had known all along that this highly emotional moustache man was really Quatre incognito, then why didn't they tell him? He looked at the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd, who lay on the floor motionless, his mouth still covered in foam. The hot-head folded his arms and frowned. 'Is he still alive actually? I mean, he hasn't moved for at least twenty minutes!' Heero poked the victim of Duo's stupidity with the same twig he had poked the culprit with. 'I don't know, wipe that mess off his face!' he ordered his companions. Wu Fei did what was asked of him and he and Duo stood in amazement by what a sweep of Wu Fei's sleeve had uncovered. There he lay, the tea and soap salesman, with on his face… a big moustache!

**Laura: _faints_**

**Elisa: Oh, get a grip!**

'What!' Wu Fei cried out. 'How is that possible? How did Quatre grow a real moustache in only twenty minutes?' 'But is it really real?' Duo required. 'Maybe he wore two fake moustaches, you know, just in case!' 'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Such a ridiculous remark could not have been made by anyone else but you!' Heero snapped. They were all silent for a moment. 'Pull it, Duo!' Heero finally said. 'Okay!' Duo bounced up to the young man and pulled his facial hair. 'Yeouch!' The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd jumped up. 'Why did you do that?' he cried. 'That hurts, you know!' 'It's real alright!' Heero stated. They were staring at the crying youth in disbelief, when all of a sudden they heard a familiar voice. 'Umm, excuse me sir, you are the owner of this, eh, tea stall, right? Can I please have some green tea?' The three turned around and gazed at the newcomer.

Before them stood an exhausted looking Quatre. 'Oh, hello guys, long time no see!' he smiled faintly. 'Quatre? What are you doing there when you are here? I mean, you're him, and you are…' Duo exclamated in confusion. 'Quatre, is it really you?' Heero asked him. Wu Fei just gazed at him with his mouth open. 'Of course it's me, Heero, don't be silly!' Seeing his friends again had obviously cheered him up and he was smiling more broadly now. 'But then…' Heero turned to the whimpering swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd. 'Who's this?' he required. Quatre looked at the salesman. 'I don't know, but his face seems familiar.' the sensitive pilot replied. 'Does it now?' Heero murmured. 'He's got your face, man!' Duo screamed. 'Oh? Hey, now that you mention it!' Quatre clapped his hands in amusement. 'What a coincidence!'

'Coincidence? This is no longer just a coincidence! This is supernatural powers messing with our minds!' Duo yelped. 'Supernatural powers?' Quatre repeated. 'Oh my, no! Remember I told you I was a test tube baby? Well, they produced a whole series of me. You see, you can never be too careful when dealing with an important heir! I might die, and then what would happen to the Winner Foundation? That is, if OZ hadn't taken over business…' Quatre's smile disappeared from his face. 'I made myself sad now…' he sniffed. 'But how does he know our names and our problems then?' Heero interjected. 'He's genetically identical to me, so he also posesses an ucchu no kokoro!' Quatre sighed. 'Isn't he lucky…' 'But then what's with this hair on MY face?' Duo wished to know. 'I can explain that!' The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd had stopped weeping and stepped forward. 'You see, this isn't just ordinary soap!' he chuckled. 'Oh Lord, no! It stimulates the hair growth!' He smiled and nodded. 'WHAT?' Duo cried out. 'B-but I…' he stammered while reaching for his throat with both hands. 'He ate some.' Wu Fei snickered. Duo looked very unhappy. Suddenly he made a choking sound. 'Oh dear…' the salesman said worrily. Duo retched and coughed up a hair ball. His three colleagues and the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd burst out in laughter. 'That Duo! Always in for a good joke!' Quatre giggled. 'How can you laugh at me when I clearly need medical attention?' a pale looking Duo hacked.

**Laura: Haha! That's funny! Who would've guessed that the swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd was in fact Quatre!**

**Elisa: But he wasn't, he was a clone of Quatre, some kind of genetically manipulated test tube brother!**

**Laura: _blinks_ Hahaha! … I don't get it.**

**Elisa: Ugh, forget it!**

**Laura: No really, why does Duo get a moustache because of the soap, but no beard? **

**Elisa: Umm, because this was a moustache growth stimulating soap! (Yes, that's it! Hehe, I'm so smart!)**

**Laura: But how do you explain the hairy guts then?**

**Elisa: … Shut up, Laura.**

**Laura: Okay! _happily skips off while humming_**

Duo: So Heero, where did YOU apply your bar of soap?

Heero: I don't want to talk about it. _walks off in furry spandex_

The swlselQttswaQadtswaQbowamshcrbQbQdhamadoatasswtsd: Hey, wait! Who's going to pay for the tea and soap? And what about my stall you wrecked up?

Wu Fei: _whistles nonchalantly and walks off as well_

Quatre: _pays the man_ Here you go, good sir! _whispers_ You wouldn't happen to sell any boots, now would you?

OWARI!


	4. Hey gundam pilot!

Laura: We're back

**Laura: **We're back!

**Elisa:** No wait, please don't run, we promise to be funny this time! Please? Oh come on, the previous chapters weren't THAT horrible, were they? Alright stop it! Stop it right there! _takes gun and points it towards fleeing audience, that now halts_ That's better, now get in these OZ mobile suits! Get in them! _the terrified crowd obeys _Now FIGHT!! s_hoots gun randomly at MS's feet _Muahahahahahahaha!

**Laura:** Err, Elisa? You're scaring me... And them...

**Elisa:** Muahahahahem... Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. So anyways, we thought we'd write another songfic, seeing how the previous one was enjoyed by a... Hey! Get back here! _takes gun again and fires at running crowd_

**Laura: **_sigh_ So anyway, we don't own GW or any of the characters... But man, don't I wish we did! Wooh! Yeah, there would be at least two Trowa scenes in each episode and his shirt would tear up in at least one of those scenes for NO PARTICULAR REASON. _drool_ Oh, yeah, I bet lots of you would want me to own GW in that case, huh?

Catherine: Excuse me? Hey, that's my little adopted brother you're talking about! I won't have him reduced to a sex object... Unless it is done properly! So get this: Trowa walks into a room and all of a sudden his shirt tears up...

**Laura:** Wow, you're good!

Catherine: Yeah, arent I? But you know, I put a lot of thinking in it! So his shirt AND his trousers rip up and rainwater drips through a leak in the roof on his head, soaking his hair and all the rest. He slowly brings his hand to his head and runs his fingers sensually through his unibang.

Hilde: Then all of a sudden Duo comes running in, wearing nothing but a towel and his long loose wet hair clings to his damp skin. "Hey Trowa!" he says in a smooth, husky voice. He throws back a stubborn chestnut lock in his face. "We've got to get our sexy asses out of here! The whipped cream factory next door is going to explode any second now!" he continues in a sultry voice, the stubborn lock now clinging to his full lips.

Catherine: Trowa takes the lock between his two fingers and playfully puts it behind Duo's ear. But then the expected BOOM is heard. The two studds are covered in cream. Trowa looks at the sweet foam on his chest and throws his head back. He rolls his eyeballs. "Oh man! Catherine, come lick me off!"

**Laura:** _gasp_ Now this is going a bit far, like Trowa would ever ask you to do such a thing!

Catherine: Oh no? I've got the evidence right here: a videotape of the whole incident!

**Laura:** You mean you didn't make this up?

Catherine: Of course not, what kind of pervs do you think we are? So here's the videotape.

_the videotape shows exactly what was told, but suddenly Trowa walks in_

Trowa: Hello ladies, what are you do-- Uaaaaaah!! Where did you get that and why are you watching it?!

Catherine: Shut up, little brother, this is the best part! (the 'lick-me-off'-part, yummie!)

Trowa: _gasp_ That is shamelessly divorced from its context! Catherine's the name of my favourite lion!

Catherine: How can you say that! s_lap _I thought you loved me!

**Laura:** Why do you always slap the poor kid?

Hilde: Why do you always slap him in the face?

**Laura: **Yeah! You gotta kick 'em in the groin! That's way more effective!

Hilde: Why not slap him elsewhere? g_reasy grin_

Catherine: Do you mean...on the other cheek? _greasy grin that equals Hilde's_

**Laura: **No, I think she means his butt!

Catherine: ... _rolls eyeballs _You don't say...

**Elisa: **_huff wheeze _Sorry, guys! I lost them... No audience for this fanfic I'm afraid.

**Laura:** But they're all here. _grins widely at camera and is replaced by a screen with the message: "GWAC: the audience is listening" with Relena's ringing voice on the background: Heeeeeeeroooooooooooo!!_

**Elisa: **_sees crowd sitting in front of Laura, Hilde and Catherine, in a pool of drool _Aw, never mind...So what did I miss?

**Laura:** Oh nothing... _grins greasily at crowd_

Hilde: Only Duo covered only by a towel and his loose wet hair.

Catherine: And Trowa with a ripped shirt and trousers.

**Laura:** The whole covered in a generous layer of honeysweet whipped cream.

**Elisa: **_fires gun and blows hole in ceiling_ Son of an OZ-man!

Catherine: Well, this was fun, we should do this more often!

Hilde: Yeah, and we'll invite Dorothy, Lucrezia, Sally and Lady Une over as well!

**Laura:** What about Relena?

all look at eachother for a moment and shiver at the mere thought of erotic fantasies involving Heero

**Elisa:** Hey, I thought we were gonna write a songfic?

**Laura:** Oh, yeah, I guess we all got carried away. _greasy grin_

**Elisa:** Stop that! Now how are we going to start?

**Laura: **I don't know... _greasy grin_

**Elisa:** What the hell was that good for?

**Laura:** I don't know... _hangs head in shame_

Catherine: Songfic, huh? I might have a cute song for you!

Trowa: Who's it about, sis? _cute innocent grin_

Catherine: _not so innocent grin_ Well, my dear little brother, it's about a cute hot-assed, unibanged, studd of a clown. Does that ring a bell?

Trowa: _blinks_ Is it about mr. Gay? _to Hilde: _He's my favourite! Cathy says she thinks he's gay, but of course he's gay, he's a clown!

Hilde: _sweatdrops_ Hehe, that's nice, Trowa...

Catherine: _grabs Trowa's turtle neck _No, it's not about mr. Gay, you incredibly sexy idiot! _slaps his ass for a change_ It's about you!

Trowa: About me?

Catherine: Yes, about you! Now shut up, sit your firm buttocks down on the floor and hold that cute naive look in your eyes! Sois bel et tais-toi!

Trowa: Heehee, that's French!

Catherine: _sigh _Yes, very good, little bro! Keep up the dumb brunet image!

Trowa: _happy smile_ Sure sis, everything for you!

Catherine: So anyway! _takes chair and hat _You want me to sing the song now or what?

**Elisa:** Sure, whatever, we wouldn't know what other song to present to the audience.

Catherine: GREAT! Then listen to MY version of 'Hey Big Spender'!

The minute you walked in the tent,  
I could see you were a boy from the colonies,  
a Gundam pilot:  
emerald eyes, unibang.

So wouldn't you like to come with me  
and bring your friend, Chang?

There's no need for me to pretend  
I don't throw my knives at every guy I see!  
Hey Gundam pilot,  
won't you take a shot from me?

Wouldn't I like to slap your bum, bum, bum,  
how about me pinching your ass, ass

I could throw you a bibang,  
Let me throw you a tribang

The minute you walked in the tent,  
I could see you were a boy from the colonies,  
a Gundam pilot:  
emerald eyes, unibang.

So wouldn't you like to come with me  
and bring your friend, Chang?

There's no need for me to pretend  
I don't throw my knives at every guy I see!

Hey Gundam pilot,  
hey Gundam pilot,  
hey Gundam pilot,  
won't you take a shot from me?

Catherine: So… huff, wheeze Was that cough, hack great or what?

**Laura:** Hmm, I don't know, if you were to throw Trowa a bi- or even a tribang, right between the eyes, wouldn't that kill him?

Catherine: What am I, a doctor?

**Elisa:**No, you've got it all wrong, you big, worthless piece of shit!

**Laura:**Aww, youdon't have to be such a big meanie! squats and starts drawing circles in the sand with her index finger

**Elisa:** Of course I do, I'm your annoying little sister! Anyway, Trowa's a guy, right?

**Laura:** Yeah, I think he is…**  
**Catherine: Well, he was last time I checked!

Hilde: Yeah, he was: I was there!

Duo: WHAT?!

Hilde: What what? He's hot! And just because YOU have to be faithful to ME doesn't mean that I have to be faithful to YOU!

Duo: Hey, I never thought of it that way. You're so smart Hilde!**  
**Hilde: Yeah, I am, aren't I?

**Elisa: **Shut up, the lot of ye! So if Trowa's a guy, then his brains (if he has any at all, that is) are not located in his cranial cavity, am I right?

**Laura: **Yeah, I guess so… And it would be even dumber of Catherine, would it not, to aim for his…

**Elisa: OWARIIII!!**


End file.
